amyhasallmyuwus:

is this a brooklyn 99 cold open

tilthat:

TIL that when Steven Spielberg was to be awarded his honorary doctorate from USC’s Cinematic Arts school, he agreed to accept only if it was personally signed by the admissions officer who rejected him for an average “C” grade when he applied there as an aspiring film student. It was.

via reddit.com

snaacks:

satanicvaginas2:

snatchedweaves:

Me: And can I have extra mustard please

Worker: Sure just tell me when…..

Me: 

Worker:

Me: Okay that’s good, thanks…. 

Worker: *not stopping* *orgasming* 

Me: STOP THAT’S TOO MUCH

Worker: *Still adding mustard*

Me:

Worker: Great! Thanks! The magic word! 

Worker: Would you like anything else?

Me: 

Worker: Okay that’ll be $7.50

Me: *pays* 

Mom: Where is my fucking change?

omfg why

skarchomp:

my philosophy is “nothing an individual can do could possibly be worse for the environment than major corporations dumping tons of pollutants into the atmosphere every day but also don’t just toss shit on the ground you idiot have some manners” 

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

missfortune1977:

missfortune1977:

I’m thinking about Mark Hamill’s story about how he was so clueless and self-absorbed in his twenties that he didn’t notice his co-stars having a very obvious affair and how completely in charachter that is for Luke Skywalker. Like, how long do you think it took Luke to notice that his best friend and his twin sister were married. I’m guessing when Leia was seven months pregnant with Ben

Luke: what do you MEAN you’re pregnant? Who got you pregnant??

Leia: Han.

Luke:

Leia: My husband. Han. Who I’m married to and live with.

Luke:

Luke:

Luke: Your WHAT

Look, Luke has been very busy running a Jedi School and getting visited by the prankster ghost of a deceitful green muppet okay

sailorbrazil: