YOU DONT UNDERSTAND —- MY UNCLE IS A FARMER AND ONE DAY HE WAS GOING OUT TO CHECK HIS CROPS HE NOTICES A TRACTOR JUST GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES Thinks, “That’s weird, I go check it out” HIS FUCKING NEIGHBOR FELL OFF HIS TRACTOR AND GOT RAN OVER But he was on a slope So the tractor went around and around in circles Running him over each time and he was pressed into the ground like a fucking cartoon How long had he been there? Maybe an hour. He was alive, and fine. Just pressed into the dirt like Wile. E Coyote and was so stuck in there that he couldn’t move so he just kept getting run over until my uncle found him
when i was in 3rd grade there was this girl named sydney who was really nice but everyone thought she was weird cause she was obsessed with horses and were kinda mean to her but anyways she let me borrow her aragon books an i could only read like 5 pages of that shit cause it was so boring, and she was like, i know you didnt read my aragon book, i mirror watched you last night and since then ive been absolutely fucking terrified
same year we had a zoo field trip, she and her mom offered to take me so i felt like i had to repay her so
i stole a fuck ton of snacks from everyones lunches
while they were feeding the elephants then i asked her mom if we could eat in the canopy zone away from everyone else and i gave them all the snacks & her mom was like “are you a mischievous spirit that my daughter has befriended ??” i was like no im a third grader … right after that they moved. i think its my fault
They probably watch you occasionally to this day
she fucking better she said she would protect me from imps
Today we celebrate this anon, whom I have come to call “The wrongest person in the history of the internet”
not quite as wrong but pretty up there is this extremely early dumbing of age strip in which amber is impressed that a dude is into my little pony, as if he were a unicorn
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.
There was never a snake in your boot…you just wanted something interesting to talk about. You’re so positively bored with your life. The truth is…you hate being Andy’s toy….
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